Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
