You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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