the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if only i could text you this smell
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
