I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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