i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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