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• (440): View more from Ohio

  We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!

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• (408): View more from California

  I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh god, what has my life become?

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.

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• (253): View more from Washington

  There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants

  Fav 1 34 111

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