He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
