your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
