i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
