Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
