You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
