i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
