My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
