it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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