So drunk its hurt
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
