I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
