South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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