1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
