I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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