curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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