I just made out with a guy for $7.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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