If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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