Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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