mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
