I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
