Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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