So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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