no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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