To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
