this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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