The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
