We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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