This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This baby is an asshole
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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