No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
