i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
