So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
is that a dick in a sweater?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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