why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
