The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
