last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
