How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
