he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
