Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
