Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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