i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
