oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
