you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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