Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
