So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
