Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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