Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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