literally had 100 drinks last night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
